


Four and a Half

by ReefStarStorys



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Billie Eilish did this to me, Cutting, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Girlfriends - Freeform, I'm Sorry, Lapis hurt people, Love, No Context, PTSD, Panic, Self-Harm, care, thank you and good evening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 12:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18410936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReefStarStorys/pseuds/ReefStarStorys
Summary: uhhhhhh depression and cutting.Peridot is a panicked worried girlfriend and has every right to be.





	Four and a Half

“Please…. C’mon… Pickup….” I fumbled with the phone, pressing it to my ear for the 6th time. “Not now, c’mon…”

But I knew.

I was already grabbing my keys, rushing out without a jacket. I tripped on the stairs, but I didn’t care about the several new bruises forming on my knee.

The familiar message came through, and I felt my eyes welling with tears.

“Hello! You’ve Reached Lapis Lazuli. Sorry, I’m probably out, but call back again later! I’ll try to get back to you if you leave a message, so… after the beep!” 

It beeped, and I choked out a “Dahmit!” While dialing again, then unlocking my car as I approached it. I slammed the door, pulling out of my apartment in a rush, not caring about the woman who honked at me.

“Please… dear GOD please…” I bit my cheek, wiping tears from my eyes. “Lapis. God, please… I know I’m not a churchgoer, and I don’t pray… but please. I can’t…” I choked on a sob, almost missing my turn.

Another ten minutes of choking sobs back and hurried driving, and her house came into view. I shifted into my console, grabbing the spare key she gave me on our 7th date. I forced myself not to focus on the memories of it.

I’d always hated the steps leading up to the door, and I was hating them even more when I tripped for the second time, cursing and hopping up again, before finally finding the door. I shakily pushed the key in and turned it, and it opened into a darkened living room.

“LAPIIIIIIS!”

The scream echoed through the house, the sound of my heartbeat pounding against my ears. But I still heard the sound of a crash from upstairs. I hobbled up, hissing at the pain slowly ebbing into my legs from my bruises, but finding only one door with a light on.

The bathroom.

I knocked on it with my fists a few times. “Lapis? Lapis!?” I tried to turn the knob, yanking on it aggressively before pressing my palms against it. “Lapis, just… just open the door, please? Lappy?” There was no voice, but a small sniffle told me she was really there, and I felt my fear subside slightly.

“Lapis please…” I begged, licking my lips nervously. “Open the door…”

There was a short silence, and I knocked again. “Lapis at least say something… Jesus Christ... you're scaring me!” I gripped the doorknob again. “Look I know you’re hurting… let me in… it’ll be okay…”

Something crashed inside again, the sound of plastic and metal and a few shaky footsteps. 

“Lapis? LAPIS.” I wiggled the knob, pressing my forehead against the door. “Lapis if you don’t answer me in five seconds I’m going to break this door down. I’m not gonna let you do this… please…” I took a deep breath. “Lapis I love you… It’s okay… I’m not mad… I… I just want to help you… don’t do this…” 

I counted to five silently in my head, then backed away. “Last chance… baby… please....”

I counted to three, then wiped my eyes, and barged into the door, which creaked, but didn’t open. I backed up again, and when I hit it the second time I heard a cry from inside, enough to make me pause.

“Stop… please just stop… I’ll… I’m…” There was a pause, then a click. I stayed standing for a second, as I heard the shuffling of feet away from the door; Before I stepped closer, opening the door.

Lapis sat back against the tub, curled into herself. A bloody piece of metal lay halfway between her and the sink, and a box of random bathroom supplies was tipped over and spilling out. I started shaking, looking at the piece of metal and knowing exactly what it was. Knowing exactly what she’d been doing moments before. I had the random thought that this was so different. So messed up compared to the girl I had met three years ago. 

How had it even come to this? The third time I’d gotten a message, the third tie I’d rushed over and begged her to let me in, and let me help. The sight of her broke my heart more and more, and in a stupor, I stepped forward, carefully over the blade and crouching in front of her.

“Let me see your arm, Lapis.”

She didn’t look up, but shook her head. “It’s ugly.”

“It’s always ugly.” I murmured softly, setting a hand onto her shoulder and my other on her slightly exposed forearm. “I don’t mind. Please…?”

She shivered, and stayed shaky as she lifted her left arm, blood dripping from 4 separate wounds, and a smaller one only about half their size. I gripped it gently and turned, grabbing at the towel hanging to my left. I hesitated, then wrapped it over the scars, and let her curl her arm back into herself.

“I’m moving in with you,” I stated, sitting cross-legged and setting a hand on top of her head. “You need someone here… And I’m not okay with…” I sighed, setting my hands on both her shoulders. “Lapis just look at me…”

She curled tighter. “I don’t want you to see me… Not like this. I hate this. I hate-” She shuddered, gripping the towel harder. “I’m not good, Peridot.”

“BS,” I growled, then scooted even closer, setting my forehead on her wrapped arm. “You’re good. Just… in a bad place. It’s not your fault, Lappy…”

“Don’t call me that!” She screamed, finally bringing her head up, meeting my eyes with blue irises and red eyes. “I DON’T DESERVE IT.” SHe threw the towel, squeezing her arm. “I killed them, Peridot. I ended their lives. I… I don’t deserve…” She sobbed, and I quickly reached back and grabbed the towel back up, taking her arm from her own grip and pushing my face forward into hers. 

“Don’t say that. Lapis.” I wrapped it back around her scars as she cried uncontrollably. “You’re good… it was a terrible thing… it wasn’t your fault… look at me…” She just shook her head again, but it was enough for me to slip my hand under her chin and lift her face up. The tears streamed down her face much like the red liquid flowed down her arm.

“It was so fast…” She whimpered. “They were just… they…” she closed her eyes, gulping and trying to curl up again. I pushed harder up on her arms and forced her into a hug. She didn’t resist, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry, peri…”

“You’re okay, Laz. It’s okay. I’m here, yeah? Just breathe.” I rubbed her back slightly, before pulling back a bit. She moved her arm too, tightening the reddening towel around it. 

“I don’t understand why you’re still here. With me.” She murmured, laughing a bit and pulling her arm close. “I’m such a mess… I mean look at me…” She shook her head, smiling but sniffling while fighting her tears.

I just watched her, the broken girl. I reached and wiped her tears away, scooting backward where my back was flush against the tub beside her. “I am looking at you...” I whispered, making her turn. Her blues eyes dared to spill over like a sink.

I let out a sigh, brushing a bit of hair out of her face.

“...And I see the girl I love.”

She blinked, her shoulders falling as her eyes softened. “Peridot...

I smiled.“She’s a bit of a mess, a bit sick, a bit hurt… but still there.” Then I leaned my head onto her shoulder. “I’m not gonna leave you alone anymore, Lapis. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself.”

She was still shaking, but leaned her head on top of mine, moving her uninjured arm to wrap around mine. 

“...Thank you...”


End file.
